Saturday, August 19, 2017

Travis starts school Monday.  7th grade, 13 years old.  Hard to believe.  Even harder to believe that my girl would have been starting her senior year this week as well.  One beginning the journey as a teenager, one preparing for the last leg, or that's how it was supposed to be.  6 years ago we were spending our final days with her.  For whatever reason, I had a bittersweet memory last night.  Earlier that year, during one of the days that I was home with her, we were sitting out in the living room I think.  All of a sudden she got very serious, and said "Mommy, I have something I have to confess to you, you might be mad at me".  And I'm thinking, how can I possibly get mad at this kid now, with THIS going on.  So deep breath, OK, what is it.  Now I have to pause here to remind you that back then was when Twilight was still a thing.  We had taken Allison and her friends (the Pod) to all of the movies that had come out to that point, and Allison had read the first 3 books.  I stopped her at book 4 because, ahem, have you read book 4??  She's 10.  I have to draw the line somewhere, even if she is reading at a 5th grade level at the end of 2nd grade.  Anyway, she looks at me and says, "you know how you said I couldn't read Breaking Dawn? "  Yes, I'm nodding.  "Well (friend at school)'s sister had it so she let me borrow it and I kept it in my locker and read it at school"......"are you mad?"
So she read it in 3rd grade.  And I look back now and see how much she loved me that she couldn't keep that secret from me any longer.  How could I be mad?
In a world that seems to be so full of ugliness and hate, how lucky am I to have known a love like that...

Sunday, January 31, 2016

The Bears have a new home...

Allison was gifted with all of these bears right before she passed away. A wish had been planned for her to go to Build A Bear for a shopping spree. The week before we were sure it was going to happen, the day of, she was in and out of consciousness. After, we had her best friends pick out a favorite to keep, and the rest were put away. I've been putting off doing anything with them, I think my fellow bereaved parents will understand. So yesterday, I went and stacked them into my loaner car (couldn't use the "my car's too small excuse") and today T and I delivered them to our wonderful hospice company, and they will be given to other children in hospice/palliative care. I think she would be happy. ‪#‎lettinggoishard‬

Sunday, January 24, 2016

“It is such a secret place, the land of tears.”
– Antoine de Saint-ExupĂ©ry

Monday, November 30, 2015

Sweet Sixteen


16 years ago, at 6:04am I saw her first.  The most beautiful baby girl with the fullest head of blond hair that the nurses had ever seen.  She made me a mom and she changed me forever.  I see her in the butterflies in the fall, I hear her in the songs on the radio - a favorite song of hers will come on and Travis will say "Sissy song!".  Happy Sweet Sixteen to my beautiful Sissypooh